Every marriage has a starting point. Sometime, somewhere, something first triggers a mutual likeness that festers enough to develop into amorous currents that would ultimately sweep the man and woman off their feet.
For Prophet JP Ademola, Overseer of the CAC Word and Life City, Ota, Ogun State and his ravishing wife, Patience Folashade, what did the magic was the mango fruit. Yes, mango, the same common fruit you and I see in abundance in its season by the roadside, at the market place and everywhere. The man known as babaeri and his heartthrob of over two decades in this no-holds- barred chat with Debo Akinyemi open up on their marriage and how mango built a bond between them.
Prophet John and Folashade Ademola
YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER TWO DECADES .HOW DID IT ALL BEGIN.
HE: First and foremost I am from Eruku in Kwara State where I spent all my formative years. She is partly from the town. Her mother is from Eruku while on her paternal side she is from Kogi. We met in Eruku. She had then just returned home from Kano to complete her secondary school education. As was common with little children, especially girls, she was hawking mango around the town for her grandma who was her guardian then. And I happen to be a great lover of mango. I could take it as my only meals for the whole day.
So I was always buying the fruit from her on daily basis. I became her regular customer and sometimes she would keep the best of the mango fruits in her stock for me. With time, we started having mutual affection for each other. And one thing led to the other and here are we today living in a beautiful marriage as husband and wife.
SHE: yes, we started like just customer to customer. He usually bought mango from me. I just came back home from Kano to continue my education. And I was helping my grandma to sell mango. Later on we became friends and from that point the relationship grew deeper. Initially, it never crossed my mind that we could end up being lovers. With time I just grew to like him and I guess the feeling was the same at his end.
HOW DID YOU TAKE THE RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL?
HE: Things did not just go on smoothly like that between us. A lot of things took place that almost tore us apart. For instance, at a point she had to be repatriated to Kano after a major crisis rocked the relationship. And we could not see each other for four years that seemed like eternity before God made it possible for us to reunite.
The problem came after I disengaged from my former girlfriend who would not just give up immediately. She came to town and demanded to see me for a mar- or – make meeting. The meeting did not end well as I had to take my leave in anger. Unfortunately, I left my glasses behind in my friend’s house where we held the meeting. To my dismay all efforts to recover my glasses proved abortive. I reported the case at the police station. And what followed was regrettable. Soon the news was all over the place that Shade was the one I went to meet when my glasses got missing.
Her grandma became very uncomfortable over the development. So she asked for Shade to be quickly returned to Kano. But as God would have it, she came home for Christmas four years later. And we came back with the help of some of our friends.
YOU SEEMED TO HAVE MARRIED VERY EARLY. WHY
HE: I was 26 years old when we got married. It was in my second year at the CAC Seminary, Ile Ife. It was expedient for me to get married then because no church would engage me after graduation as a bachelor. It was one of my uncles that went with me to see her parents in Kano and they graciously gave their blessings. But that was not before they heard from her to confirm her willingness to marry me. But marrying each other was an act of God. We got married in my second year at the CAC Seminary Ile Ife.
SHE: Well, it might appear that we were both very young then.But we both loved each other. So he came to ask for my parents’ blessings. And I had no choice than to cooperate. I just had the conviction then that he would turn out to be a good husband. And today, there is no cause to regret.
WHAT WERE THE CHALLENGES YOU FACED EARLY IN THE MARRIAGE.
SHE: The marriage faced a lot of challenges initially. Don’t forget that we got married at a time he had not started earning salary. I also was yet to start working. You could then imagine how rough things would be. In addition, we were always quarrelling, sometimes over minor issues. But thank God we overcame that teething stage and here are we today waxing stronger and stronger as a couple.
HE: The quarrels were coming too often in a way that made me doubt if we were compatible in the first place. But there was something that usually happened. Any time she was not around me, I would feel like I could not survive without her. I would feel like a part of me was missing. And it is happening that way even till now. Anytime one of us travels, the other would soon start calling. We would be feeling like we cannot do without each other. This is a major confirmation that we love each other and are compatible. But I must add that her patience has helped in no small way to keep the marriage intact.
HOW DID THE WEDDING CEREMONY GO SINCE YOU WERE NOT EARNING SALARY THEN.
HE: God has been so kind in that aspect. Surprisingly the wedding went down in history as one of the colourful events ever held in our families. People came round to support us. Somebody bought us a cow. We received huge cash gifts that enabled us to make gorgeous suits and gowns. There was plenty of food and drinks to entertain our guests who came from far and near. God was and still is very faithful.
HOW EASY WAS IT FOR YOU TO SETTLE DOWN IN THE TOWN OF OTA WHEN YOU WERE FIRST POSTED THERE TO WORK?
HE: By my training I can work anywhere. So it was not difficult to settle down in Ota. My concern was only for my new wife. I was bringing her down from familiar environment to a strange place. But surprisingly she also brazed up and adjusted.
SHE: It was not difficult for me to adjust because I am not someone who keeps friends. He is the only friend I have. And with him around me I had nothing to worry about.
WITH THE POOR SALARY OF A PASTOR HOW DID YOU COPE INITIALLY?
HE: I am a survivalist. I can do anything to ensure that my family does not lack the basic things of life. In those days I would run my car as a cab, carrying passengers from one point to the other. I have always ensured that I make contingency plan by giving my wife more than enough money any time.
SHE: I thank God for my husband in that area. He provides everything we need and I and my children don’t lack anything.
DO YOU PEOPLE SHARE FINANCIAL ROLES?
SHE: Somehow there is some role sharing. For instance, he pays the children’s school Fees, buys their books and takes care of their accommodation. My own is to send to them some allowances every month.
SO YOU DONT DO JOINT ACCOUNT
HE: There is nothing like that. You know women don’t joke with their money. So if you don’t want problem for yourself, steer clear of their money. You also have to overlook some things in the interest of peace. Like I said earlier, I make contingency plan by giving her something extra. After doing that, I ask her to face her business and leave me to run the church finances.
SHE: Like he has said, everybody keeps his or separate purse. And this is working fine for us.(laughs)
WE SEE A LOT OF BREAK UPS TODAY.HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS.
SHE: It is very unfortunate the way separation is taking place today between couples. I believe there is no issue that cannot be resolved when the woman exercises patience and when the man shows grace in the handling of marital issues. So I don’t think anything should make couples to break up.
HE: I think we need to pray for families. There is mounting tension everywhere due to socio-economic pressures. With prayers and mutual understanding we can save our marriages.
