Apostle Israel Oku and his wife, Goodness Oku, have been married for 50 years. But that marriage was almost not meant to be in the first place.
A few years before Apostle Oku met his wife, he had planned to marry another woman who had been arranged for him by his mother in the village. He had, in fact, paid the lady’s dowry and was about to fix a date for her to join him in Lagos.
But the story changed. Just before he gave his nod for the lady to join him, he had a dream. He saw that he was sick in the dream and his would-be wife abandoned him. Oku was not one to joke with his dreams. Rather than take the risk, he decided to cancel the proposed marriage. His father was not comfortable with the decision at first, but he later reasoned with him.
A year after he had closed the chapter on the first woman, he began to think of another relationship. This time, he was in a quandary.
It turned out he had met a lady on a public bus during one of his trips back from Ijebu-Itele, where the parents of the first lady lived. They became friends, but he never initially thought of marrying her. It took his aunt and a family friend to convince him that his new friend would make a good wife. They saw that she was homely and very accommodating.
Oku, who was born to a Reverend at the Christ Army Church and was the first surviving child of his parents after they had lost two children, did not hesitate. He sought her hand in marriage, and they have been married ever since.
The Power of Vision & The Education Journey
But that is only the beginning of their story. His wife had not been to school at the time they were married. Years after their marriage, she went through school and earned a first degree from the Lagos State University (LASU).
Apostle Oku recounts, “When my wife came to Lagos from the village, she stayed with her uncle. But her uncle could not send her to school because she was already old. She had to learn a trade. But she had always loved to go to school. As a matter of fact, she always dreamt of having a home where English is the means of communication. We got married anyway, and she shared her dream with me. I tried to calm her down and assured her that she would fulfill her dream.”
True to his words, Oku made sure his wife’s dream became a reality. By the time she was through with childbearing, he encouraged her to begin to pursue her dream. She first enrolled in an adult school for primary education. She later got admitted to Sari Iganmu Secondary School, where she sat for her school certificate, and subsequently got admission to study Religion at the Lagos State University.
The irony of her story is that her last two children got admission to LASU the same year with her. Today, Mrs. Goodness Oku holds a degree in Religion. Before the degree programme, she had also done a diploma programme in Theology at a Bible school.
Ministry Exploits
Despite having a background in the Christ Army Church of Nigeria, it was when Oku joined the Divine Healing Ministry in the early ’90s that he formally surrendered his life to Christ.
While in the ministry, he and his wife participated in all the church training and submitted themselves to mentorship. They attended Bible school and were quite active. By the year 2000, they got a leading from the Lord to start Home-Builders Ministry, located at Oko Afo, off the Badagry Expressway.
Today, the ministry is 26 years old. Looking back, he has every reason to thank God. What he and his wife are doing in ministry today had long been part of their life right from their early years in marriage.
“We had a flair for the family,” Oku shares. “As a young couple, we were settling quarrels for married people. We started by having a conference called the Happy Home Conference. It became an annual event. Thereafter, God asked me to start a church. We started with my wife and children on July 2, 2000.”
Why Marriages Fail & Counting the Cost
Oku reasons that many marriages fail because people don’t get it right at the entry point. “I have seen people who say ‘God said.’ But the next year after their wedding, they are fighting. Did God change His mind? Some say the pastor advised them to marry and all sorts. But the marriage ends up in the trash.
“I believe God is no longer in the business of matchmaking. His word already tells us that whoever finds a wife finds a good thing. Where you meet your wife is irrelevant. What is important is what can you make of the marriage?
“The point I am making is that we should learn to take responsibility and not put the blame on God when our marriage goes awry. In my case, I was the one who made the decision not to marry the first woman because of what God showed me in my dream. I could as well have gone ahead to marry her. But I weighed the risk and talked to myself. So, also God will not force a woman on us. It is for us to decide.”
A one-time official of the Lagos Chapter of the Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria (PFN), he explained further that a man should count the cost before marriage.
“You must first do a checklist of the things you like about the woman and the things you don’t like. If the things you like outweigh the ones you don’t like, then you are good to go. But if not, then you need to think. Most of the time when we say ‘God says,’ it is not that God has told us anything. It is our own infatuation or emotion that is speaking to us.
”I sometimes wonder why God does not always tell university graduates to marry pepper sellers? Only on very rare occasions do you see such combinations. And usually, it could be that the university graduate made the mistake of sleeping with the pepper seller and had to end up marrying her. So, we should stop deceiving ourselves and take responsibility,” he submits.
He reasons that “whether the man or woman is packaged by God or the devil, couples can both decide to make their marriage work. But then if you are sensitive enough, you will not get to the point of marrying a person that God has not prepared for you.”
Why Pastors’ Marriages Fail & Nurturing the Union
Marriages of men of God, according to him, also suffer setbacks because many don’t carry their wives along in their careers.
“In those years when I was still doing my degree programme at the University of Lagos, I used to take my wife to campus to see life on campus. I was not a graduate when we married. We were already married when I started going to school too. One of the mistakes we make as pastors is that we don’t carry our wives along as we grow. If we must enjoy our marriage, we must ensure our wives are also increasing in knowledge and exposure along with us.”
He counselled men to always invest in their wives during their productive years for the rainy days. He also emphasized the importance of taking them out.
“Many years ago, we used to go out on Sundays for lunch. There is perhaps no big eatery in Lagos that I have not taken my wife to. I remember I used to drive home to pick my wife in Orile when I was working in Guardian Press so we could go and have lunch in Victoria Island. Those things strengthened our union.”
He counselled further that those men who get tired of their wives should cultivate them and shun discontentment. “Every woman will be valued by the price tag you place on her. In those early years, when I saw young girls dress well, I would sketch the dress and ask my wife to sew that kind of dress.”
Submission and the Role of Women
Contributing to the discussion, his wife, Goodness Oku observes that “In most cases, pride, arrogance, and ego are causes of delay in marriage for women. There are a few cases of demonic manipulation. But usually, what you find is that the lady, because of her education and status, is not ready to submit to a man. I believe if a woman wants her marriage to work, it will work. If two agree, it will work. There must be agreement. I made up my mind that this marriage must work. And it is working.”
Apostle Oku cuts in, arguing that marriages in those days endured because there were checks around. “Usually, because the wives were recommended, the parents must have done their due diligence ensuring that the home where the woman comes from is decent. But then, the man is also careful not to disappoint his parents. So, he makes sure he keeps his home. Today, there are no checks. Intending couples don’t get information about themselves. That is why we have an increased rate of divorce today.”
For mature singles, he counsels, “The right time to do anything is now. For women, it’s unfortunate their childbearing years are limited. The question for mature singles is: can they humbly submit to any man? That is where the challenge is. To every woman, there is a man, but who is the man, who is the woman? God is interested in the content while the devil is interested in the package. Unfortunately, many people are also interested in the package rather than the content.”
He adds that women sometimes have issues with their marriage because they don’t want to submit. “If a woman is not obedient and submissive, she will have issues. Again, any woman who is tying a wrapper around the house does not present a good picture of herself. A woman should dress well because dressing well makes you look good for yourself and then for the approval of your husband.”
We Had Our Issues Too
But has their marriage been all smooth from day one?
“Certainly not,” says Apostle Oku. “We quarrel. But we have never exchanged blows. I must also say I made some wrong moves in the early years of our marriage. As a young man, I had my share of being tempted by ladies. But what saved me was that I did not go far with any of these ladies before God intervened.”
Despite the hurdles, Oku testified to how God used him to save many homes. He notes that his greatest joy is that he is leaving a good legacy for his biological children.
“I feel good that my biological children can look up to us. We have never hit each other for one day. People look up to us as a model. We are examples on the street we live. We have the guts to talk to people about living right.”
On what he enjoys most about his wife, he says, “I like the fact that she is submissive and obedient. She has come to understand me so much that she understands my temperament.”
For Goodness Oku, however, everything about her husband is just alright. “I just love everything about him.” She has a final word for women who want to stay long in marriage: “As much as possible, I believe commitment to a relationship and steadfastness in prayer will make a woman have an enduring marriage. There will be temptation to misbehave. But both couples have to keep their gaze on the goal of the marriage,” she stated.
