By Oyewole O. Sarumi Ph.D.
Discipline is the cornerstone of character, a vital thread in the fabric of society. It shapes individuals, families, and communities, guiding behavior and instilling values. Yet, in today’s fast-paced world, the responsibility of discipline is increasingly being outsourced—handed over to teachers, law enforcement, and social workers. This shift raises critical questions about the role of parents in shaping their children’s lives. I firmly believe that discipline cannot be outsourced. It must be nurtured, patiently and persistently, at home.
I already wrote a piece titled “In Support of Corporal Punishment at Home and Schools” and published in the Churchtimesnigeria.net when an elderly friend sent a WhatsApp post titled “The First Lawmakers: My Reflection on Home, Discipline, and Duty”, by CP Tunji Disu. After reading the well-crafted and loaded 805 words message, necessity has laid it upon me to write a follow-up piece using a quote from CP Disu write up as my title – ‘discipline cannot be outsourced’. Thank you sir for this brilliantly crafted piece.
In this piece, I am going to use a bit of what CP Disu dwelt upon and/or expatiates others as I explores here the changing dynamics of discipline across generations, the consequences of parental absence, and the irreplaceable role of parents as the first teachers of their children. It is a call to action for parents to reclaim their sacred duty, not with the harshness of the past, but with the wisdom and presence required to raise well-rounded individuals.
The Evolution of Discipline: From Firm Hands to Absent Voices
Many of us grew up in an era where parents and teachers wielded firmer hands. According to CP, Fathers often believed in the “reset button” of a good beating—a method they swore straightened stubbornness. Teachers, too, disciplined freely, with canes and stern words. These methods, though controversial by today’s standards, were rooted in a shared understanding: discipline was a collective responsibility, and boundaries were non-negotiable.
However, times have changed. Today, corporal punishment is often viewed as archaic, even abusive. While I am not here to debate the merits or flaws of past methods, it is clear that the approach to discipline has shifted dramatically. What worked for one generation may not work for another, but what remains constant is the need for engagement.
The problem today isn’t a lack of discipline; it’s a lack of presence. Parents once corrected their children directly, even if harshly. Today, some have handed that duty to strangers—teachers, police officers, and social workers. But no institution can replace a parent’s guidance. A child raised without boundaries at home will inevitably test them elsewhere—in cults, drug dens of prostitutes, and/or crime.
The Consequences of Outsourcing Discipline
According to CP Disu, “to be clear, I am not discouraging parents from seeking help when their children go astray. If your son steals or your daughter vanishes, come to us. We will help. But do not confuse reporting with surrendering. When you hand us your child and say, “Fix them,” you misunderstand our role. We enforce laws; we cannot replace love. We investigate crimes; we cannot teach values.”
The police, teachers, and social workers are not substitutes for parents. Our cells are not classrooms; handcuffs are not teaching tools. When parents outsource their responsibilities to the state, they gamble with their children’s lives—and with the peace of their communities. Society’s fabric is woven in living rooms, at dinner tables, and in the quiet moments when parents choose patience over fury, presence over absence.
Children who lack parental guidance often seek belonging and validation elsewhere. The boy who joins a cult and the girl who slips into addiction or prostitution are not born rebels. They are shaped by unmet needs, unheard cries, and lessons left untaught. These outcomes are not inevitable, but they are a stark reminder of the consequences of disengagement.
The Sacred Role of Parents
Parenthood is hard. It is exhausting, thankless, and often terrifying. But it is also sacred. Parents are the first teachers, the first role models, and the first lawmakers in their children’s lives. Your children watch how you love, how you forgive, and how you rise after failing. They notice when you prioritize work over conversations, screens over eye contact, and fear over understanding.
To the father who sees his son slipping away: Stay. To the mother who feels out of her depth: Ask for help. To the parent who thinks it’s too late: It isn’t. Discipline without love breeds resentment, but love without discipline breeds entitlement. Finding the balance is key.
The Boomers and Gen Xers were far from perfect, but they owned their role as parents. They scolded, they punished, and they stayed. I urge present-day parents to do the same—not with the harshness of the past, but with the wisdom of their own hearts. Meet your children where they are. Listen. Correct and love.
Hope and Redemption: Stories of Transformation
CP Disu continued, “In my work, I have witnessed the worst of humanity—and the best. I have seen reformed cultists become devoted fathers and shattered families rebuild. These stories are a testament to the power of hope and the resilience of the human spirit. They remind us that it is never too late to make a difference.”
Continuing, CP Disu noted that, “One such story is that of a young man who joined a cult in search of belonging. His parents, overwhelmed by his rebellion, turned to law enforcement for help. While we intervened, it was their decision to re-engage with him—to listen, to understand, and to love—that ultimately brought him home. Another story involves a mother who felt out of her depth when her daughter began experimenting with drugs. Instead of giving up, she sought help, attended counselling, and rebuilt their relationship. Today, her daughter is thriving.”
These stories underscore a simple truth: parents have the power to transform lives. Discipline, when rooted in love and presence, can break cycles of rebellion and despair.
A Call to Action: Reclaiming the Homefront
Parents, hear me: the future of our society depends on you. The values you instil, the boundaries you set, and the love you give will shape the next generation. Do not outsource this sacred duty. Instead, embrace it with courage and commitment.
Here are a few steps to help you reclaim your role as the first teacher in your home:
- Be Present: Prioritize quality time with your children. Put away distractions and engage in meaningful conversations.
- Set Boundaries: Establish clear rules and consequences. Consistency is key.
- Lead by Example: Model the values you wish to instil—kindness, integrity, and resilience.
- Seek Help When Needed: Parenting is a journey, and it’s okay to ask for support. Join parenting groups, attend workshops, or seek counselling.
- Choose Love Over Fear: Discipline should be rooted in love, not fear. Correct your children with compassion and understanding.
Conclusion
Discipline cannot be outsourced. It is a responsibility that must be nurtured at home, with patience, persistence, and love. While the methods of discipline may evolve, the role of parents as the first teachers remains constant.
The challenges of parenthood are undeniable, but so too are its rewards. By staying present, setting boundaries, and leading with love, parents can shape not only their children’s lives but also the future of society. Let us embrace this sacred duty and commit to being the first lawmakers in our homes.
In the words of an African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.” But let us not forget that the village begins at home. Together, we can build a future where every child feels seen, heard, and loved—a future where discipline is not outsourced but embraced as a cornerstone of growth and transformation.
Blessings 
