Pastors’ wives and their mannerisms by Dr. Francis Bola Akin-John

President, Church Growth International Ministry, Dr. Francis Bola Akin-John in this piece provides a clinical view of the different mannerisms of Pastors wives. 

A

COMPETENT PASTOR’S SPOUSE

Catherine Boot was the dynamic wife of William Boot, the founder of Salvation Army. She got converted and started preaching the gospel to people. She started a fellowship.

Initially,  her husband was ashamed to preach . But through her constant encouragement, her husband who  had also  been born again started preaching. She withdrew to the background as her husband gained  confidence and courage in the work of the Lord. And she supported and worked alongside her husband for the growth and spread of the church.

That is the picture of a competent pastor’s wife.

A. Biblical Foundation – Luke 1:5-7,40-45,56
To be competent is to do things right, do it well, be strategic to produce good, godly results. To know what to do and do them well with positive results to God’s glory and praise.
✓ Competency comes from personal and spiritual development.
✓ Competency answers to skillful growth and ability to do things well.
✓ Competency comes from growing from a girl to wife, to mother to mummy.

Elizabeth was a model of competent pastor’s wife; she held herself, home and prophetic ministry strong, even in the absence of the husband. She faced her adversity with faith and prayers and communicates well with the husband. She raised up her destiny child for the Lord.

B.

Kinds of Incompetent Pastor’s Spouse Today

Of course, many modern pastors’ wives that are displaying lots of incompetence and their lives and works and homes are the worse for it.
In my interaction with Pastors of various denominations, I have come to discover various kinds of pastors’ wives. Take a close look at them:

1.​The Parasite:

She is possessed by a parasite spirit – feeding on the husband without contributing anything. She is ignorant of her role, but clings tightly to the Pastor.

She is not contributing to the ministry but loves to enjoy the rewards of the ministry. She is aloof and sees nothing good in the work, but makes lots of demand from the husband. She doesn’t care where the husband gets the money, so long he meets her needs.

2.​The Chameleon:

She possesses chameleon’s nature. She has no stand of her own, but easily changed by her environment. She cannot be predicted. She is a hypocrite. She projects who she is not. She is only interested in changing her cloths, bangles, gold and jewelries. She dresses gaily to church all the time in latest attires and fashion, even though she is rotten and dead spiritually. She pretends to be born again, when actually, she doesn’t know the Lord.

3.​The Principality and Power:

She dominates the husband and pushes him to do evil. She is the Jezebel of now (I Kings 21:4-8,25). She nags, complains and takes actions that destroy the image of the husband. She is the husband while the husband is the wife. Her strong personality makes her to bulldoze her way through everywhere.

4.​The Thumb Sucker:

A thumb sucker is the wife that has refused to grow up. She is immature and always sees things from her narrow angle only. She demands for attention, care and nourishment all the time. She complains and cry all the time, wallowing in self-pity.

5.​The Garbage Collector:

She is moving here and there, picking stories, rumors and a tale bearer. She is loose with her mouth and can never keep quiet. She has made lots of enemies with her tongue and is very lousy, loud and shallow. She has lost all respect through her rumor mongering and tale-bearing antics.

6.​The Wet-Blanket:

She is always moody, stone-faced and unsmiling. She wears her problems in her face and is always negative. She is full of doubts, worry, anxiety and unbelief. She sees no future in the ministry and murmur all the time about unmet needs and expectations. She holds bitterness and unforgiving spirits within her. No wonder the devil attacks her repeatedly.

7.​The Tsunami:

She is volatile and has high tempers. She is stubborn, rebellious and would not listen to anyone. When she is angry, she clears everything in her path, can hold grudges for months and she is ready to destroy in a minute what has taken her years to build. She is mean and merciless when she is angry.

8.​The Sponge:

She is a taker, not a giver. She takes everything and soak them. She makes no contribution to the work. She sits at a corner and demands for respect, honour and gifts, but will not give any in return. She will not develop nor grow herself to give and help others, only to take.

9.​The Temptress:

She is a slave of her feelings. She is sexually active and will give herself to men if her husband cannot satisfy her. She seduces men in the church. She uses her lustful heart and body to kill off the spiritual life of the husband through excessive sexual activity. She is an agent of Satan sent to destroy men through sex.

10.​The Serpent:

She is demonic and satanic. She is an agent of destruction. She is demonized and uses her demonic powers to destroy the work, finances and efforts of the husband. She uses her demonic covenants and tools to render the husband impotent – physically, spiritually and ministerially.

11.​The Sunshine:

She is a paragon of godliness, maturity and submissiveness. She is a praise and glory to her husband. She brings progress, fruitfulness and all round blessings to the husband through her prayers, godly examples and support. She brings peace and rest of mind to the husband. Her husband trusts her and calls her blessed.

Ten out of these numbers have brought negative impacts to the lives and work of their husbands. The more reason many Pastors are struggling in ministry and finding things tough today.

The more reason separation and divorce has increased greatly among ministers of the gospel. If you are not a good wife to him, God will judge you now and later. You can die, be diseased, if you don’t give your husband peace of mind to do the work and fulfill His divine assignment.

C. Habits Of Competent Pastor’s Wife

If we are going to see godly and impactful ministry today, the Pastor’s home is very crucial. The parsonage must be healthy, lively and godly. We need much more competent Pastors’ wives in our pastorium today.

The expectation from the people is very high. The Pastor’s wife is expected to be competent all round. She is expected to be good, kind, sociable, relational, wise, self-effacing, prayerful, loving, humble and enduring.

Here are habits that effective and competent Pastors’ wives have imbibed and daily practice:

1.​They build daily relationship with the Lord in prayer and Bible devotion.

2.​They look up to the Lord, not men, as their shield, buckler and provider. A true woman of Faith – seeing the invisible.

3.​You accept the call and mandate of the Lord upon your husband.

4.​You offer total and active support for your husband’s calling.

5.​You find your place in ministry and do it to support your husband and complement him.

6.​You find ways to develop yourself as a woman, wife, mother and minister.

7.​You take good care of your home, children and husband. Don’t let ministry or career take away your children, home and husband.

8.​You submit to your husband and affectionately relate with him. Standing by him can make all the difference.

9.​You take care of your body, make it available to him and keep it for him alone.

10.​You work on your character and grow up to be a true spiritual giant. Not a nagging, wicked and troublesome wife that drives her husband away from home.

11.​You build up yourself as a prayerful and devotional person – a true lover of God, not worldly, carnal and vain woman.

12.​You relate with members in wisdom and maturity. You are free from pettiness, nagging, suspicion and inferiority complex.

13.​You are contented with God’s provisions and don’t go borrowing things and accessories from members.

14.​You don’t join members to peddle rumors, backbiting, bickering, infighting and church politics.

15.​You are not lazy and indolent but contributing positively to the family budget. A Pastor’s wife must have sources of income other than the church.

16.​You are filled with the Spirit of God and His fruits, not with worldly, carnal and demonic spirits.

17.​Raise regular prayer altars with good and sincere prayer partners for the church, you husband and children.

18.​Relate with people in wise, careful and watchful ways – your mouth must be opened sparingly. You hear much but speak little and wisely.

19.​Strive to be a godly model to others and a mother to all members – no partiality or tribalism.

20.​Keep people who are double-tongued, double-faced and bad influencers at bay with wisdom and power of God.

21.​Provide godly counsel, advice and principles of God’s word to those seeking for impact – ready to speak or keep quiet appropriately.

22.​Not all members will receive or like you – just be secured in God and do what God has called you for. Gradually build your influence.

23.​Develop your skill to be competent to provide good leadership to the women of the church – but not a Chairperson of Women Association.

24.​Be a good advisor, counselor and assistance to your husband. Don’t give him bad advice and report about the people.

25.​Don’t pull in opposite direction or in competition with your husband – be a true Elizabeth to your Zachariah husband.

26.​Ready to suffer and bear the indignities, insults and trials of ministry calmly, prayerfully and patiently with your husband.

27.​Learn to take your sorrows, bitterness and burdens to the Lord – a true Hannah, rather than being touchy, irritating and fighting with members.

28.​Do not dominate, rule and ride roughshod on people. Don’t be afflicted with superiority complex.

29.​Comport yourself in a respectful, dignified and humble way. Do not eat, dress, talk, and behave anyhow and anywhere.

30.​Relate wisely with mentors and fathers that help you to handle issues with divine wisdom and insights.

It’s your choice. You can make the choice to live by these habits or ignore them. The choice you make will either make or mar you. Your choices today are the realities of tomorrow. If you make poor choices, sorrow and anguish wait for you tomorrow. If you make right choices, you have joy and blessings waiting for you tomorrow.