Olayide Bakare is the wife of Pastor Tunde Bakare, founder and Senior Pastor of Citadel Global Community Church. Her husband clocked 70 recently while her marriage to him also clocked 40. In this interview culled from a special publication put together by the CGCC to celebrate Pastor Bakare, she shares her experience on motherhood and her sojourn with Pastor Bakare in the last 40 years
After being married to Pastor Tunde Bakare for virtually forty years, what would you want to say to him in celebration of his platinum jubilee?
Wow! Forty years of marriage already! Quite unbelievable! Undoubtedly, the PTB I’ve been married to for forty years is certainly the love of my life. He’s my darling, my sweetheart, my one and only PTB. GB! I love him more now than I’ve ever done. As he celebrates his platinum jubilee, I’ll say that I count myself blessed for being his wife. I’ll say to him that his care and tenderness are forever appreciated. I’ll say to him that if in afterlife, I have to choose a husband to be married to, I’ll choose him without thinking so hard at all. I’ll say to him again and again “Thank you” for giving your all, first to our marriage, second to the family God has graced us to raise together. To sum it up, everything I would say to him will be the expression of a grateful heart to the husband who has loved me with his all.
Having known him for over four decades and having been married to him for 40 years, what would you want to say to him about him on the occasion of his 70th birthday anniversary?
I would say that my husband today has matured. The depth of his spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity over the past four decades is something worth celebrating about him. There were little things that would upset him before, but now he’s a lot more gracious to people.
While he doesn’t condone sin or misconduct, he still has his ways of conveying the truth in love. Truly, in these forty years, I would say of him that he has evolved into this beacon of love, grace, and maturity.
You have been by his side for over 35 years of ministry. How would you describe him as a man of God?
PTB, in over thirty-five years in ministry, has remained a man with a razor-like focus. Once God gives him a goal, he pursues it and stays on it. PTB is the epitome of what it means to radically obey God. He doesn’t waver for anybody or anything. His heart is to please God always, and even if that makes him look controversial to others, he’ll do what God has told him to do. He’s a real man of God.
He has been involved in national reconstruction effort since the days of Save Nigeria Group. Looking back on those years what would you say you admire about him as a nation builder?
I wasn’t around when the Save Nigeria Group (SNG) started. I was in the US with the children, While Bunmi (first daughter) was with him in Nigeria. So, Bunmi kept me up-to-date with the affairs of the group. Eventually, I returned and could fully participate and contribute my quota to the SNG in 2011.
That was the period when I saw my husband’s political side. I’ve always known his heart and passion for Nigeria, but it was so beautiful to see him at the forefront of the group – leading rallies and initiating dialogues with the government among many other things. I admired his vibrancy. He was very energetic and full of life. I also admired his courage. Not many men of God are bold enough to speak truth to power. I admired his passion for this nation.
There’s no day he doesn’t mention Nigeria in a positive light. Nigeria has always been in his heart, even up till now. His destiny is intertwined with that of Nigeria, and nobody can take that from him.
As you reflect on the last 40 years of your marriage, what would you say you are most grateful for?
Ah! It’s a lot! Where do I even begin? There’s so much I’m grateful for in the life of my darling husband and the lives of our five children. Reminiscing each child’s endeavours, I see God’s faithfulness. They’ve all come a long way in their individual growth. I’m grateful that my husband is where God wants him to be. He has been a formidable servant-leader of our household and the ministry, making it easy for me to submit myself to his leadership. I’m grateful to God that our family is united – no one is estranged or left out. I give God thanks for all He has done for us these past forty years.
What would you say PTB appreciates most in you as a spouse?
(Laughs) That should be a question for him! I would say that he appreciates my dedication to our family and the ministry. He appreciates that I care for him in every way I can. Most recently, he’s been having to nurse his right arm because of an incident that happened to his neck. Overnight, I’ve had to give him massages and ensure he’s relaxed and comfortable despite the pain. I do these things heartily and would do it again and again for him. He’s been very appreciative of me. If you know PTB, you’ll know that kind acts never go unnoticed with him. I love that about him.
Still reflecting on your four-decade-old marriage, are there things you would do differently now?
We had some friction during the early years of our marriage, and I believe a lot of that was because of my mindset about the institution of marriage at the time. My upbringing was tough. My parents separated when I was still young, and even before their separation, there seemed to be a lot of strife between them. I recall several nights when I would hear them fighting, and it painted a negative image of marriage in my young mind. So, I came into marriage not necessarily expecting it would work. This may have affected my disposition toward my husband and caused me to dishonour him in some ways. If we were to start all over again, I would honour him more and be a lot calmer. I now know that honour and respect are crucial in making a loving marriage thrive. Now, I just want to keep on loving him, respecting him, and honouring him as the love of my life.
You have been on the journey of motherhood alongside PTB for almost 40 years. Having given birth to five children in close succession what are your unforgettable moments of childbirth?
Hmmm… Our five-fold ministry! Each pregnancy and birthing experience was unique in its own way. We had our first three children at the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG)Maternity. The last two were born at Eko Hospital. With our first child, despite what childbirth has been portrayed to be like for first-timers, I surprisingly had a smooth and swift delivery. My water broke very early that morning. And because we couldn’t drive to church at that early hour of the morning, my husband laid his hands on my tummy and said, “Child (we didn’t know whether it was a boy or girl), wait until it’s 6.30 a.m. before we can drive to the church maternity, then you can come out.”
The child waited. She was calm until we got to the hospital, and within fifteen minutes, I had given birth. For Fisayo, our second child, it was quite different. Fisayo was born at home at about 3.16 a.m. My husband had tried the same thing he did with the first child, instructing her to stay still until later in the morning, but it didn’t work. Fisayo and Bunmi are two very different individuals. We delivered Fisayo at home and it was such a surreal experience. The baby’s head came out suddenly, and my husband kept speaking in tongues as he took delivery of her. After she came out, my husband didn’t know there was an afterbirth (placenta) to come.
Thank God Mama was around. She told him to deliver the afterbirth, and shortly after, it came out successfully. We eventually went to the hospital when it was daybreak, and the doctor said there was nothing left to add. Then, our third child was our first boy. Although we never did a gender scan during all my pregnancies, I knew I was having a boy. He was very active in my tummy. Our fourth and fifth, also boys, came out smoothly without the need for medical intervention. In fact, I didn’t take any medications throughout their pregnancies and deliveries.
What would you consider the most critical lessons of motherhood having been a mother for close to 40 years?
Motherhood has been very rewarding. God has graced us with five children who have their own unique personalities, Strengths, and weaknesses. As a mother for almost four decades, I’ve learned to parent each child uniquely and play to their different love languages. There’s no one-size-fits-all for parenting. The principles of the word of God must be our standard and the foundation of our parenting, but we must learn to discover ways to communicate this to each child. Every child learns differently, assimilates differently, and relates differently, too. Mothering five children has taught me that no two children from the same parents are ever completely alike.
What would you say to mothers who tend to display favouritism among their children?
Oh no! That’s a big “no-no!” Like I said, each child is unique, and that uniqueness even begins during pregnancy. Our role as parents is to unravel the uniqueness and complexities of each of our children and then help shape them to become who God has created them to be. Displaying favouritism only breeds strife among siblings – a situation that could cause more problems further down in life. My daughters are unique, and so are my sons. I disapprove of favouritism in every sense of the word. God doesn’t have favourites; He loves us all and expresses this love to us in unique ways. Parents must take that cue from God and avoid every manner of favouritism in their homes.
You raised your children on three different continents with societal values that arguably contradict the principles of God’s word. What helped you navigate these difficult waters?
The word of God has always been the standard in our lives, including our parenting. So, irrespective of physical location, we always turned to God’s word, as our training manual, not the culture or values of a particular location. We provided a solid foundation for our children, from which we then allowed them to make their own decisions. Despite our best efforts as parents, they’ve all made mistakes – some bigger than others – and have had to bear the consequences. However, I’m very proud of the adults they’ve grown up to become today. I’m hopeful that they will, in turn, raise godly children who would not conform to societal norms but let the word of God be their standard.
Were there times when maintaining an open-door policy with your children was done at the risk of compromising firmness and discipline?
Not really. Even though I wasn’t as firm as their dad (their dad was the disciplinarian), I still ensured discipline wasn’t compromised. My approach involved pointing out what they did wrong and leaving them to their conscience. I’m very conscious of maintaining that open-door policy because I know how important it is in parenting. But I still stood my ground on issues worth reprimanding them for.
What will be your counsel to young spouses?
For young spouses, I will tell them marriage is God’s idea. He created the institution of marriage when He gave Eve to Adam, so let God be the head of your union. A three-fold cord cannot be easily broken. When God is in charge, love reigns. The initial years may be challenging because you both come from two different backgrounds. There may be friction at first, but this is not uncommon. Let me borrow an analogy that PTB uses sometimes. When you put ingredients into a blender, initially, it will go grrrrr (mimics grinding sounds) as it tries to break down the ingredients. But after some time, it’ll start to blend smoothly, and you’ll get a well-blended paste. Marriage can be like that sometimes, so persevere through the rough beginnings; It gets better! For parents, let God’s word be the standard at all times. Culture changes, values shift, and trends disappear in no time, but God’s word is the only thing that remains the same forever. When His word is the standard, you’ll be fulfilling God’s instruction to raise godly offspring (Malachi 2:15).
You have enjoyed and are still enjoying the blessings of both motherhood and grandmotherhood. In what ways are both joy experiences alike? How are they different?
The joy of every married woman is that she’s blessed with her own children. A greater joy is felt when you can witness your own children give birth to their children. One of the greatest challenges for a woman is to give birth to her own children and watch them wait for years d after years without conceiving. All I can say is that my joy has multiplied seeing God’s faithfulness in answering our prayers
Growing up in a household where your grandmother was your primary caregiver, how did her tutelage shape your worldview? Your heart of gold comes alive when you’re among people, especially children. How has your natural disposition enriched your role as a mother, grandmother and colabourer in ministry?
I must say that I’ve evolved over the years. Who I was as a single lady is miles apart from who l’ve become over the past forty years in marriage. My disposition used to be carefree and unbothered about things, but I thank God for how He has been refining me. Now, my natural disposition is that of a carer and a nurturer, and this has greatly enriched my role as a mother, grandmother, and co-labourer in ministry. With my children, I’m tender. This tenderness has helped with my relationship with them. As a grandmother, I’m also tender. I love to play with them, care for them, and just shower them with affection. As a co-labourer, I show that care by supporting my husband in everything he’s doing and connecting with members of the ministry in a down-to-earth manner.
As the door of your 64th year opens to you, what would you say you desire most?
My greatest desire is that the God who has kept me these years will continue to keep me and my husband in good health. I desire for God to keep us all, including the church over which we both labour. The testimony at the last Children’s Day programme (held on October 12, 2024) was that we didn’t lose any child in the ministry this year. I love that! That’s what I desire most.
What are the greatest lessons you have learnt in the cause of doing ministry with pastor Bakare?
I’ve learned to be content with whatever position God places me in. I never seek attention or recognition; I just want to serve Him. I’ve also learnt to be a strong support system for my husband, as he is at the forefront. I desire to see him succeed in all that God has called him to do. Therefore, I’ve learnt to play my part by working alongside with him, praying for him, and even just being behind him. I’ve learnt to trust that my husband is faithfully committed to me, our children, and most importantly, to God.
What would you consider the most challenging points of your life as a pastor’s wife?
The most challenging points were at the initial phases in ministry, but not anymore. Initially, I wasn’t so pleased whenever my husband would have to travel for various ministry engagements. Most young wives would want their husbands with them. It wasn’t easy having to be the mum and dad for our children. Eventually, I settled into the rhythm and decided to make peace with it for that season. Look at us now! All our children are adults; some are married and in their own homes. Now, we mostly go everywhere together.
What would you consider as some of the greatest rewards of co-shepherding God’s flock?
The greatest reward of co-shepherding God’s flock would be that I have peace. It’s not something I can define in monetary terms. It’s the peace that passes all understanding, such that even when adversity rises, I’m unshaken. That’s a truly great reward.
What would be your counsel to younger women pastoring the flock of God alongside their husbands?
Firstly, I must compliment them on the great job they’re doing. Being a pastor’s wife is a huge assignment. Most people may not understand the enormity of that position spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and otherwise. My advice to younger pastors’ wives is that they first be committed to God and focus on their own relationship with God so they can grow in Him. God is the one who knows exactly what He requires from them. Secondly, they should love and respect their spouses and understand that their spouses have now become more than just their lovers. They should separate the man (their husband) from the man (the servant of God), and give them due honour. Young women should understand that ministry can be quite challenging, but they should be careful not to allow it to become a tool the devil uses to tear their homes apart. They should also learn to resolve conflicts quickly by compromising on trivial issues.
Until PTB came your way, what were your aspirations in life? Did you ever think your life’s trajectory would land you in the position of a pastor’s wife?
Like I said before, my disposition was being carefree and unbothered about things. So, I really didn’t have big aspirations. I just took life as it came – one day at a time. There was no way I would have seen myself becoming a pastor’s wife.
One of the most amazing things you did was resign from your job as a banker. Others would want to choose their career over raising families. What informed your decision to do that? You seemed very convinced in what you did that you didn’t even discuss it with Pastor Bakare before making that decision.
When we had our first child and daughter, Bunmi, the reality hit me that I had just brought a life into this world. I weighed the circumstances of my own childhood, and I knew I didn’t want her to be left in a vulnerable position. Working in the bank then was time-consuming and exhausting. If I were to return to work, I knew I would leave my baby girl for others to raise her. I had a choice between letting my job go or leaving her alone. I chose to let the job go. I was looking at the bigger picture, and I’m glad that I made that decision.
What are your final words?
God is sovereign, so let Him be preeminent in your life. He determines our times and seasons. Let’s have faith and keep hope alive. Always ask yourself: “If Jesus comes today, am I ready to go with Him?” So, let’s live every day as if it’s our last day, and plan as if He’s not coming within the next twenty years.
