By Chika Abanobi
Marriage is made possible and preserved by inner treasure, namely good character, and not outward beauty or stupendous wealth. If you are a believer, when you tell God to lead you on whom to marry, He will show you the one who will help fulfill His purpose for your life, and not necessarily one who your flesh or carnal ambition wants.
God’s promise is to help you, not to do it for you. So? You will either choose your partner yourself without getting God involved. Or, you will do so while taking Him into confidence. The choice is yours.
But if, as a woman, you’ve been married for some time, make yourself tantalising! Let your husband begin to think of remarrying you again. If you are a father or mother-in-law, be neutral. Don’t take sides in any dispute between your son and his wife. Or, between your daughter and her husband!
And, if you are a married couple, don’t only play together. But, more importantly, pray together. This is because there are unseen spiritual forces that are out to make sure your marriage does not work no matter how much emotional and financial energies you bring into it. So? Instead of taking your case to court, take it to the Cross.
Reasons for and features of the Retreats
The foregoing and more are some of the vignettes that participants came away with during the Couples and Singles Retreats held recently by the End-time Move Mission (aka Holy Ghost School), consecutively on Sunday, April 12 and 19, 2026.
Held at 3-5 Matthew Ojo Street, White House Bus Stop, off Governor’s Road, Ikotun, Lagos, apart from sound marriage teachings, the programme featured other interesting activities like praise-and-worship segments, testimonies, drama and question-and-answer sessions.
But, during the two Retreats held separately on different dates for married couples (April 12) and for singles and searching (April 19), teachings/messages intended to help participants, comprising members and invitees, came packed with insights, divine wisdom and practical applications in a way that not only helped reshape lives, revive families and strengthen relationships but also signpost a roadmap to a better future devoid of acrimony and divorce.
Worthy articles of the marriage market
Take, for instance, the Singles and Searching Retreat. Like its flier earlier advertised, it was organised “for purposeful encounter for the unmarried who desire to be rightly positioned, prepared and guided for God-ordained relationships. Included in the number also are widows and widowers who are anxious to remarry and settle down with a partner.”
In the first message titled “The Marriage Market” and delivered on Sunday, April 19, 2026, by Emmanuel Emeka Ohalete, from Prophetic Training School, Isashi, Lagos, he warned that in the market while there is freedom of entry, there is no similar freedom of exit. Hence, one has to select one’s partner carefully and wisely.
He added that one who wants to marry must, first of all, prepare oneself. And, one way of doing so is by keeping oneself chaste. The original marriage, he opines, takes place, when a male virgin meets with a female virgin and the hymen is broken during intimacy between them. The blood that is released forms the ultimate instrument for the covenant of marriage.
This is why in Israel if a man marries a woman and discovers that she is not a virgin, the man is permitted to send her away. A New Testament example is the incident that nearly led to separation in the intending marriage between Joseph and Mary (Matthew 1:18-20). Today while the virtues of chastity is still required and extolled, for believers in Christ, who had lost theirs, one way or the other, the Blood of Jesus provides a better and more effective covenant.
Reading from Matthew 12: 33-37, Ohalete, author of “The Revelation of the Person of God,” among other books, noted that marriage is made more attractive by the inner treasure, namely good character.
Partnering with God to get a marriage partner
The second message for the singles was titled “I Will Make Him An Helpmate.” Delivered by Tony Umeh, President, Honesty Missions International, he noted, among other useful points, that every man or woman will either choose their partners for themselves or allow God to help them do the choosing. The choice, he added, is a personal one and, differs from individual to individual.
But then, that truth does not mean that God will do everything for one in spite of who one goes for. His words: “Each of us will have a unique experience in choosing our partners. A woman is created to help the man. What this means is that a man has a duty to carry out. The only thing God can do is to assist the man and help him find his woman.”
In light of this fact, he added that every fantastic marriage is a pure decision by someone to make it fantastic. He posited: “There is no perfect man or woman anywhere. So, do not build your choice of marriage partner on emotion or affection. Choosing a partner based on appearance will end up in catastrophe.”
The author of “Becoming A Vessel of Honour,” among other books, spoke extensively on what it takes to make one’s marriage a success. They include submission from the woman in finances and body and absolute love from the man; personal spiritual development; agreement/unity between the couple; keeping oneself spiritually/morally clean; bridling one’s tongue; having faith in God; dying to self or self-denial; understanding the times or seasons and defining the type of marriage we desire or want.
Forces against and factors that enhance marriage
But the teachings delivered to couples, a week earlier, on April 12, by Mrs. Ngozi Anyaora, one-time Vice President of Sisters Fellowship International (SFI), Lagos, and, today, a leading voice in the End-Time Move Mission, a much-sought-after public speaker, and Mr. Fidelis Yadi, the General Coordinator of the End-Time Move Mission, shows that it takes more than personal moral qualities outlined by Ohalete and Umeh to keep one’s marriage intact.
In the second message titled “My Marriage As Unto the Lord,” Anyaora, author of “I Fear God”, among other Christian books, lamented the increasing rate of divorces today among believers and non-believers alike in our society. She attributed it to a contest of forces beyond individual human moral efforts, to two opposing spiritual forces, namely God and Satan.
In as much as she agrees that individual character traits go a long way in either making or marring a good marriage, she warns that ignoring the part that spiritual forces who are out to ruin divinely established institutions like marriage play, and coming together as husband and wife to tackle them with united prayers, may end up being the greatest mistake we ever made in life.
Misunderstandings, disagreements, bitter quarrels and divorce are beginning to look like an onslaught from the devil on many homes, she added. “Something is happening. If you call it an attack, it is not an attack on you but on the divine institution of marriage. It is a kingdom fight. Therefore, you must see beyond that marriage. There is a kingdom we belong to and we need to defend that kingdom. It is not all about you, your husband or your wife but about the kingdom of God. Looking at the rate of divorce or marriage crises and crashes these days, it seems as if the gates of hell are prevailing.”
Insisting that we cannot separate the discipleship message from that of marriage, she explained that it is not just our spouses we are dealing with but the Lord. Hence, we have to submit to His Lordship. The proof that we love Him is in absolute obedience to His words or instructions on marriage. She noted: “Did He say we should love our spouse or submit to them? That settles it. Let’s not keep deceiving ourselves.”
She explained: “Whatever I want to say to my wife or husband, can I say it to Jesus? If you cannot say it to Jesus, then don’t say it to your spouse. Whatever you say in your marriage, whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly as unto the Lord. If you sow love, you reap love. If you sow hatred, you reap hatred. It is the law of sowing and reaping. You cannot pray that away.”
Anyaora who led participants to a renewal of their marital vows “I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife…”/“I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband…” after which she said: “Now, you can kiss your Bride,” fingered selfishness/self-centeredness, uncaring attitude, unforgiving spirit and undue interference from third parties, namely in-laws, relatives and friends, as some of the militating factors against marriage.
Five Stages of Marital Relationship
Yadi said as much in the first message of the day titled “Five Stages of Marital Relationship.” Addressing participants which comprised mainly married couples, he informed that there are five stages in marriage, namely (1) attraction (2) conflict (3) healing/resolution (4) team and (5) legacy stages.
The mistake many couples make and which often lead to broken homes, he explained, happens when they allow themselves to get stuck at the attraction and sometimes conflict stages without moving on to the remaining three stages. He quoted from Ephesians 5:23-33 and 1 Peter 3:3-7 to buttress some of his points.
He said: “Don’t expect your spouse or partner to become an angel, all of a sudden, just because an angel pointed him or her out to you.Two of you must learn how to work together to make your marriage work.” He added: “Every time God brings two people together in marriage, it is to cover up the areas of weakness of the other partner. So, you are there to work. You that expect your partner to be perfect, are you perfect?”
#1: The attraction stage
He noted that at the attraction stage of marriage, and which mostly take place during courtship, the two people involved engage in endless calls and irrelevant talks within the day and tend to ignore/overlook obvious faults, weakness or telltale signs they discovered in their partner. Instead, they naively believe that with time they will get over them.
He said: “At this stage, two of you can make endless calls within the day and stay on the telephone for hours discussing mostly irrelevant things. You just want to hear each other’s voice. Questions could hover on what a partner ate the previous day or what they are going to eat or do the following day. At this stage, it is all attraction.
“The feeling is so overwhelming that if your parents or any other person asked you to stop seeing each other they would be talking only to themselves because you are madly in love. Many people marry with the wrong idea or belief that the feeling would last forever. But unfortunately this feeling which comes up when you are courting does not stay forever. Therefore, you can’t build your marriage on such ephemeral feeling.”
#2: The conflict stage
The second stage, he noted, is the conflict stage which comes up weeks, months and sometimes years after living together. He explained that it is characterised by frequent disagreements and clashes as emotional feelings couples started with at the first stage of attraction give way to fault-findings, dissatisfactions and regrets.
He said: “At such a time, you begin to look at each other and wonder whether you did not make a mistake. Statistics have shown that no matter how madly you are in love with your partner in stage one, the euphoric love does not last more than two years, that is, on the average. The reason for the conflict is because, two of you are not the same; you come from different backgrounds. They include culture and perhaps socio-economic/education levels.”
Yadi, author of “The Hidden Truth”, added that “you may believe in different things and have different expectations, for which the emotional feelings you initially had for each other could not allow you to explore deeply and realistically. Hence, you may not look at your compatibility in light of your differences. It is at this stage that many marriages break up even though the couples involved initially believed that God only was their matchmaker or directed their coming together. Owing to repeated hurts, emotional immaturity and unforgiving spirit, many couples dwell in this second stage for years. And, sometimes, if care is not taken, the marriage may break up.” He warned: “The longer you stay here the more hatred you develop for each other.”
#3: The healing/conflict resolution stage
He urged couples to move on to the third stage in marriage which has to do with healing/conflict resolution. Every successful marriage, he explained, must go through conflict and healing stages. To enable this happen faster, he counseled honesty, patience and forgiveness. He said: “If couples are busy covering up their own part of the problem or getting people/sympathisers to line up behind them, to support or side with them, they make it difficult for healing to take place.”
Healing starts with forgiveness, he noted. “Some people have diaries for offences and when little misunderstanding happens they begin to quote dates and days which will make their spouses either embarrassed or become defensive. With such memory, how can there be healing? You are busy accusing or blaming everybody including your in-laws. But you never see yourself as part of the problem. If you come to a stage in life where you believe that you are a perfect person, while your spouse is the problem, then you are not ready for the healing and for a happy home.”
Other mutual conducts/behaviour that aid the healing stage, he said, include (a) loving service (helping your spouse with domestic chores); (b) gifting (spouses deliberately buying gifts, no matter how little, for each other); (c) affirmation (appreciating your spouse by passing positive comments about them, from time to time). (d) giving quality time/attention to your spouse and putting away your mobile phone or some other form of distractions while engaged in it (e) physical touch (couples, he said, should learn to be romantic with their love).
#4: The team stage
The fourth in marriage is team stage. Again, he explained what that entails. “At this stage, the couples work together as one to execute tasks. If you live together and don’t know the pin number or password of your spouse’s ATM or email or other social media accounts, you are not yet a team. If your husband or wife does not know your bank account numbers and the passwords, you are just live-in lovers. Marriage is all about building. Carry your spouse along. Two of you need to stay and plan together. That way, you will be able to build a formidable home.”
#5: The legacy stage
The fifth level in marriage is the legacy stage. At this stage, he explained, you are no longer struggling. Rather, two of you have worked over the years to create a legacy, to build a future or achieve something together. This is because time will come when you will not be able to carry on alone.
- With additional reports from Paul Chigemezu and Oluchi Ajuzieogu.
