Funmi Adams (not real names) recounts the concluding part of the story of how her husband married several women without her knowledge.
After the separation, he would come under the pretext of visiting the children, to try to change my decision, but I stood my ground. This infuriated him and he threatened to take the children away from me. He came home one night still under the pretext of coming to see the children and asked for sex, which I refused.
I had found a fetish gourd in my cupboard on one occasion, which could never have been placed there except by him, and when I asked him, he denied having any knowledge of such. He advised that I urinated into it in order to render it impotent. Now how could he have known what would render the portion impotent, if he claimed to know nothing of its presence in my cupboard.
I remembered waiting for him to leave before praying into the gourd and pouring anointing oil into it, to break its effect on me and the children before breaking the gourd and spilling its contents in the waste disposal bin outside the house. So on this night, I refused to have sex with him for fear of being charmed into acceding to his wishes or worse still being used for money making rituals, or just eliminated in order for him to achieve his aim of marrying his single mother friend who was far richer than me.
This was a desperate man capable of doing anything to get what he wanted and I feared for my life and the lives of my children. When he saw that I was adamant, he walked to the kitchen, took a knife and threatened to stab me to death. He kicked me in the groin, used the knife to painfully touch my face, nose and neck, before pushing me and tearing my clothes with it.
At this point I sensed real danger and told him to have his way. He raped me that night, at knife-point. Luckily my children were blissfully un-aware of all that transpired, as they were fast asleep.
The next morning, after dropping the children at school, I reported the incident to the DPO of Iponri police station. He was invited for questioning but he never showed up. Instead he called on the phone and asked why I had to report him to the police. I informed him that I had no choice since he had resorted to the use of knives and force to achieve his aim.
He reported me to one of my brothers who related well with him and I was forced to reveal p’s true color to him, as at this time, this my brother was the only one who was still on good terms with Desmond, being totally unaware of his true character. My brother tried to calm me and advised that I forgive him, but I stood my ground.
This further infuriated Desmond and he accused me of being brain washed by my other siblings who had poisoned my mind against him. On another night about a week after the rape incident, he phoned and told me he wanted to see the children. I explained that it was too late at night, and after arguing heatedly with me, he threatened that he was coming over that night to take his two children or at least his daughter. I quickly called the DPO of the police station where I had reported earlier and was advised to securely lock the doors and refuse him entry and that I should come to the station the next morning.
I heeded their advice and locked all the doors, after informing my landlady. She told one of her children to stay with me in my flat, her name is Sumbo. When Desmond came, I refused to open the door, but he forced himself in by breaking the wooden door which lead to the living room, and dealt me three strong slaps on my face and proceeded to beat me up, maybe to a stupor or even death, had he not been stopped by my landlady’s children, who knowing they could not physically match his strength, begged him to leave alone, and consider the children, who by then had woken up and were sobbing uncontrollably and clinging to me for support, as well as consoling me and wiping my tears. By now, my face was swollen from the slaps he dealt on me and my head was throbbing painfully.
The next morning i reported the incident to the police and visited the hospital for treatment, after which a photographer took pictures of my swollen face as well as the broken door for proof of the incident.
He tried several times after that to persuade me to reconcile with him, sometimes with open and veiled threats, but I stood my ground. Sometime later, he came home to see his children and I allowed him in, and during this particular visit, I noticed he was carefully looking the entire house over, from room to room, like someone who was seeing the house for the first time, or someone taking a last/final look at a place he would never see again or for a very long time. I kept following him as he moved from one room to the other, wondering what was going through his mind and had to ask him at a point what was happening. He replied by asking me if it was wrong to look at his place, to which I replied no, but wondered why he did so. This time there was no reply, and he left not long after, obviously satisfied with his visit.
During that same week, my much younger cousin, who came to stay with me for a while had a bad dream, in which she said she saw a black arrow coming straight into our home. This was after the dream I had in which I saw Desmond and his friend, wearing only trousers, being held like arrested criminals, with two guys in suit at the gate of the house in which I resided in the dream. He pointed at me, and said something to the guys holding him and his friend, and one of them said something which initially sounded like a bible verse but later I realized was actually a kind of incantation. I immediately replied by quoting a scripture and started praying in tongues before I woke up. MY cousin prevailed upon me to follow her to see her pastor for counseling and prayers and I consented. On reaching there on the Sunday morning of our visit, the church service was still in session and we joined to partake in the service. During the prayer session that followed the message, a word of prophesy came that a brother was in danger as three men were after his life. We were asked to pray for God to intervene and save the person. This was repeated twice or thrice and we prayed earnestly for this person.
After the service I had the opportunity of meeting one on one with the pastor and briefly told her of what I was passing through; the dreams I had dreamt, up to the dream my cousin had prior to our visit. She prayed with me, and then revealed that the person in the prayer point which was raised repeatedly during the service was me. She said three men were after my life and proceeded to describe them one after the other. One of the descriptions matched that of Desmond. I told her so and she told me that he was not my husband and that God would still give me my own husband. She said he was not a human, but a beast that wanted to devour me, but God would not let him. She advised that i moved out of our present accommodation within twenty-four hours, after which she could not guarantee our safety in that house. She told me that the men after my life had planned to strike on the Friday of that week, and that she could see them waiting behind the fence of the house. She advised me to go to where I will be safe from him, but not my close friend’s house, as I would be delivered into his hands if I went there. So I proceeded to this my cousin’s mum’s house at Iponri that night with my children, and few of our things, after which we moved to my uncle’s house at Isolo where we reside till date. The pastor had assured me that Desmond would not be able to harm us here, as he had tried and failed repeatedly to harm her and stopped after realizing that my Aunt was much stronger than he was.
I never returned to our apartment again after that day, except on the day I went with a truck to move out the rest of my things and those of my children and took them to my parents’ house at Ebute-Metta, for safe-keeping and also to allow the landlady rent out the apartment to someone else. I remember that i could not pack everything that day, and informed the landlady that I would be back for the rest the following Saturday to which she agreed. It was thus a huge surprise when I was hurriedly informed the next day by a concerned neighbor that I should come immediately to retrieve the rest of my belongings, as the landlady had forcibly gained entrance into our apartment and thrown out the rest of our belongings. I was in church when I received the shocking news, and was confused as to what to do for several minutes. I later informed my Aunt who asked one of my cousins, to take me there and see if we could salvage anything.
On getting there I burst into tears, as all my belongings were strewn all over, and in my state of despair, confusion and utter helplessness, I did not even know where to start or what to pack. I ended up leaving most of my things behind for those who were interested and leave with only a handful. One of my neighbours, who had called Desmond to come and pack his own things, told me that he said he did not need any of his belongings that he left behind in the apartment and that anyone interested should help themselves to his things. So much for a husband and father!! I remember the evening of the day we left my cousin’s house for my Aunt’s place, I saw Desmond at Ojuelegba, under the bridge, with a murderous look on his face. He drove past me but luckily did not see me and I had to hide behind a vendor to avoid being seen by him when he was momentarily held up in traffic. I was not sure of where he was headed, so I immediately called my aunt to inform her of what i had seen and told her to please take good care of my children and prevent Desmond from taking them away. I then proceeded straight to Isolo police station to report the incident and requested police escort to my aunt’s house. I informed them of the report I had earlier made at Iponri police station and the DPO there when contacted by phone, gave instructions to arrest and detain Desmond if found at my aunt’s house or anywhere near it as he was wanted by them for questioning. I was then escorted home by two armed policemen who waited for a while before leaving; having made sure that Desmond was nowhere near. While waiting with the police, I received his call which I placed on speaker for all to hear, asking for his children and demanding why I had to take his children away from the house without his permission. He accused me of abandoning his children somewhere while frolicking about with men and demanded for his children at once. At this point my aunt answered him by telling him that I and the children were at Isolo with her and her husband. As soon as he became aware that my aunt was aware of everything, his tone immediately softened and he promised to come and see her to explain to her all that happened, while apologising profusely. He of course never made good his promise, instead, he called to accuse me of being brainwashed by my relations and to promise to wait till i would come and invite him to the children’s wedding, since i could never replace him as their father even if I ever remarried.
That was how we became residents of Isolo till date.
The last time he called, after asking after his children, he still asked for reconciliation, to which i said a firm no. I advised him to return to his wife and children and seek their forgiveness. I told him that I had decided to move on with my life and to take care of our children. He got angry and thoroughly abused me as well as other members of my family, and proudly informed me that he now resides at Victoria Island and if I remember, he is still the fine boy he used to be and he is feeling fine and having a swell time in Victoria Island. I replied by telling him how happy I was to hear that he was doing well and to inform him that we were doing very well too.
From then till date, I have never received a dime from him towards the upkeep of the children. I have been responsible for their upkeep, from birth till date, with help from the Almighty God and from my senior one. II give God the glory and endless thanks for sparing me and my children’s lives and for providing for all of our needs. I could never have coped without the help of my God. He has been and is still solidly behind us, like the rock of Gibraltar, our alpha and omega.
To him be the glory, honour, power and praise. Hallelluyah!!!! concluded.