They started as young lovers and later lived together as husband and wife. But their union was not consummated. That went on for about 40 years.
But on January 27, 2024, Mr and Mrs Segun and Bose Famade consummated their relationship in Lagos for the first time. They went through the traditional rites of marriage. That was after their two children got married and had children.
Bose, the bride in the recent wedding had just finished secondary school when she began a relationship with Segun Famade, the groom.
But marriage was not in the picture. Somehow the duo continued with the relationship even as undergraduates. After their education, they continued with the relationship.
Couple with friends
Life together
Segun went into business while Bose took to teaching with the Lagos State Civil Service. They continued to live together. But it was a frosty relationship.
Segun was having an eye on another lady. At one point, he moved out of the house he built to live with the lady. But somehow no child came from the union with this other woman. Bose on the other hand had given birth to two boys for him in the unpalatable union. Rather than quit the relationship, she stayed put.
A few years into the relationship, the table turned. The affection Segun had for Bose drained. She was no longer the lady he used to love. The union invariably went sour. But Bose stayed with him even when it appeared she may end up in a polygamous setting—time rolled into months and then years.
The children as succour
When Segun was not yielding to proper marriage, Bose concentrated on raising her children.
But when she could no longer endure the pressure on the home front, she traveled out of the country to Canada with her children leaving the father of her children behind.
The turning point however came after the marriage of their two children. It was their marriage in Canada that brought both Bose and Segun together again.
By then, Segun’s attempt to marry the other woman did not work. He had become sober. He travelled to Canada to witness the wedding of his two sons. That was when he reconciled with Bose. It dawned on the duo that they were met for each other despite several years of back and forth.
The scale had fallen off the eyes of Segun and he resolved to consummate the relationship between him and the mother of his two children.
They both went to the registry in Canada and also solemnised the union in a church in Canada.
Lagos wedding
But they still had to put an icing on the union. On January 27, Segun Famade decided to pay the bride price and also invited friends and family members in Nigeria to witness the traditional marriage in Lagos.
It was quite an unusual event as the two grandparents obeyed orders from traditional marriage brokers. They performed the marriage rituals they ought to have done several decades ago. It was a sight to behold.
The groom could not control his emotion during the event. Tears dropped from his eyelids as he fixed his gaze on his wife. His wife on the other was excited.
In an interview with Church Times, Bose shares her side of the story
Mr and Mrs Segun and Bose Famade with one of their children during the solemnization in Lagos
How did you meet your husband and how was the journey in those early days?
We met when I just finished secondary school. A friend followed him to my dad’s glass shop that I was managing then and he showed interest in me. That was how it all started. The journey in those days was awesome before he started having an affair with another woman. I call it the “second wife journey”. I used to tell people then that “my husband cannot have a girlfriend” But I was wrong.
What made you stay so long in the relationship even when it was not consummated?
I had no option but to stay because he would not allow me to go with the children and would make them stay with another woman if I had left. In addition, he had money to fight. I did not have the resources to prosecute any case. It was not the battle I would win physically. At one point, I had to leave for three months. But the children suffered. I had to come back, when my first son who was 7 years then said to me when I came visiting, “Mum can you do me a favour, please can you come back”
Was there a temptation to marry another person, were men disturbing you?
Attempting to marry another man was not a temptation but, a desire after seven years of relocating to another nation. Then, all the children were married, I just called him and the children together after our son’s marriage in 2016 in Canada and made him understand that I needed to move on with my life and he should not bother to come over to me again if he still desired to stay with his so-called second wife. Men were disturbing me, not to marry me but to have a relationship. My Christian life helped me a lot and held me back from having any relationship. In addition, one of my prayer points then was that the lady in the life of my husband must leave because my father-in-law never had two wives.
What was your disposition to him all that period when he went to live with another woman?
When he had the so-called second wife, he neglected me and the children in the house he built and was living with the lady elsewhere. My disposition was that the lady would go one day. But it took 25 years before she left which was a miracle.
I heard you faced so many challenges while you were playing the cat and mouse.
The challenges were many. He was suspicious of my moves and thought I had a boyfriend. He refused to give feeding allowance and would tell me he was doing it deliberately. There was distrust in the home. Many of my in-laws supported the second lady. They would never say any good thing about me. He had four cars and yet I and my children could not use any. He would go to the family functions with the new lady and would leave me at home. The lady was even managing his business and finance. But the good news is that all that is now history. To God be the glory. The story has changed.
So, what are the lessons you have learnt from your relationship with your husband?
Hummmm. It has made me strong, independent, focused and it has helped to build my trust in God. Those decrees and declarations I was making then in prayers came to pass. But then, it was like God was not listening to my prayers. To be candid, the experience made me relocate from Nigeria to get away from the stress of having to deal with the second wife issue.
At what point did he realise he needed to consummate the relationship?
He was not comfortable again after our two children got wedded. He suggested it before the first wedding we did in the family for our son. But I refused because his so-called second wife was still in the house. Also, my family members would tell him that he is only qualified to call himself my husband until he pays my bride price. That statement did not go well with him.
He was full of emotion that day of the wedding in Lagos. How will you interpret that emotional outburst?
He was emotional because he never thought such a day would come to reality based on his attempt to have a second wife.
You are grandma and now just having your marriage formalised. How does that make you feel?
It feels great. It’s a form of fulfillment and a reality at last. Also, I did not feel like a grandma. I feel like a young lady who just wedded. I don’t even remember I am a grandma sometimes.
What role did your children play in ensuring you and your husband formalised your relationship?
They had a terrible experience when their father brought in a second wife. One was neutral while the other would not care if I married another man. One said to me one day when the issue was unbearable, he said “Go and marry another man, and I will support you”.Their disposition towards him had to change because, of Christ in them. To be candid, they are happy the trouble days are over and the marriage has become a reality,
What counsel do you have for troubled homes?
Well, it was not easy. I will say it’s only the grace of God that is sufficient for anyone passing through the storm. What helped me was focus and prayers and the support system from family, parents, siblings, and friends. Such people should keep their minds busy, participate in church programs, go to parties when necessary to reduce stress and socialise, dress very well, and speak out to a confidant that will encourage them positively. In addition, they should take their minds away from the storm, though, it might not be easy. But that is the best thing to do.
