By Michael West
Expectedly, a barrage of mixed reactions from readers, mostly females, to last week’s topic flooded my mailbox and social media platforms since last weekend till midweek. While some agreed with the line of thought many others deepened the discourse by explaining the rationale behind their nagging attitude.
Findings show that three out of five women nag. Men also nag but far less than women. Some of the respondents argued that nagging should not be seen as a bad trait, character flaw or weakness. Most of them were unanimous on the fact that they nag on purpose to achieve positive ends. A caller who expressed her opinion on the issue said: “A woman that fails to nag while her children are going wayward or keeps quiet when her husband begins to stay late outside without genuine reasons will later blame herself for being docile, weak or shy to speak out on time. This generation requires that women should be firm and reasonably assertive to run a successful family life.”
It is true that women nag for different reasons but is everything they nag about worth the fuss? Is there no other way to address their issues other than nagging? Does nagging really change anything? Do they care about the image or impression that nagging has created for them? How about the possible health hazards traceable to nagging, for example high blood pressure, insomnia, headache, body pain, loss of appetite and mental stress among others?
To a large extent, naggers are better managers of businesses because they rarely grant credit facility to anybody. If, due to the nature of the business they have to allow sales on credit, they usually record more than 90 percent in debt recovery as customers would prioritise their payments to avoid trouble. Likewise, their workers are more careful and dutiful. They are go-getters in whatever they decide to do or achieve.
Why is it so convenient for them to nag? They nag because they hate insubordination, recalcitrance, waywardness, infidelity, truancy, defaulting, laziness, dullness, argumentation, disobedience, snubbing, disrespect, pilfering, gossiping and repeated mistakes. These are naturally detestable attitudes but while other people will address the issues strategically and firmly without much noise, naggers will repeatedly harmer on them until they over flog the matter out of value. Their nagging often dwarf the issues at stake.
“Agent provocateurs are to be blamed for our nagging attitude.” Another caller has said. She added that “Women are not mad people who will nag without a reason. Ask the men what they do to provoke their wives to nagging. They are mostly the reason we nag. Their silence is more provoking sometimes. For example, Mr. West, your wife started coming late home without explaining her movements convincingly or she fails to perform her duties at home by giving flimsy excuses, won’t you nag? For how long will you tolerate her excesses? So it is with women when we warn our men against possible danger ahead by the way they live their lives. If they ignore such warnings we will nag because when the problem comes it is the wives that will bear the brunt.”
The funny thing is that naggers can nag over anything. For instance, If they call you and you take time to respond, they will nag; if you rush to answer, they will nag. If they complain about something and you keep silent, they will nag and if you respond in a way they don’t like they will nag. If they scold the children and you don’t say a word in support, they will nag and accuse you of indulging the children in wrongdoing. Nagging goes beyond the bedroom and family circle. Co-tenants, landlords, colleagues, school mates, club members, friends, neighbours and associates do nag over issues. The principal element of nagging is repeated complaints. Naggers are never tired of talking or complaints. They always want to prove their points and dwell on the issue until you submit to their arguments. The more you refuse to concur with them the more provoked and audacious they become.
However, the underlying virtues of naggers are being vocal, sincere, passionate and defensive of their personal, matrimonial or business territories. Other women fear to cross their paths. They could sometimes spring surprises to the amazement of their loved ones. When naggers are not in the “spirit,” they are sweet and fun to be with. To befriend naggers successfully, watch their moods. Send an SMS or chat them up to gauge their state of mind through their replies. Crack jokes to feel their pulses. If they are brief or snappy, please stay back but if they flow with you in the lighter mood, you’re good to go. I wish you a nagging-free weekend.
From Our Mailbox
Re: Bright Side of Nagging Women
For the first time, I will react to your column. 1).You are one-sided and biased. 2).You didn’t highlight nagging-inducing factors like a stubborn man/child/workers. How about a man who ignores whatever the partner says and believe he is always right? This always provokes a woman to nag for clarity and for the man’s sense of reasoning. 3).How about the nagging man howbeit uncommon. 4).Not all nagging is offensive. Most are reasonable arguments on matters of serious concern as a way on laying emphasis presented differently. Approach to issues and arguments may be interpreted as nagging depending on the mindset of the receiver.
You said when someone “expresses dissatisfaction, disappointment or worry over a serious or minor issues.” Is that bad? Isn’t it wise and mature to reason along to avoid nagging? 5).Nagging usually differs in nature. Not all criticisms, complaints, opinions, expressions, views, perceptions are nags. 6).You didn’t identify what triggers nagging as there is no smoke without fire. For example, I know a sister who nags over her wayward child to the annoyance of the child’s dad. So, it is not limited to partners alone. Even this comment can mean nagging to the immature. – Ayokaade Ogunbiyi, Lagos.
But the truth is that most times, naggers don’t nag for nothing. I’m happy you said they can be managed. If a man tries to identify and understand those things that make his wife nag, all he needs do is to also try to keep off from those things. – Ulumma Chukwunyere, Owerri.
You’ve said it all and I can’t but agree with you. I have some of those traits but my hubby is very loving, understanding and patient. May God help us all. Well done Mr. West. – Mrs. Becky Abiodun, Badagry.
To me, nagging is nothing but a formula mostly used by women with an unstable life style to express their cunning behaviour. To them, the only visible way to express themselves is by nagging and picking holes in anything or every action of the man. My advice to every man is to keep doing the right thing and leave the nagging women alone; maybe they will change as they grow older. – Chief E. Diadenaru
Behind every nagger is a worse agent provocateur. The world will be a better place when we look at the mirror to see the logs on our eyes before seeing the straw in other people’s eyes. Chances are that most of the time, accusers are those kneeling on the accused’s neck preventing them from breathing and they go about shouting “naggers.” I can’t remember when nagging was classified as a hobby. As for me, l will rather nag seriously than allow any pretender to kill me. – Madam Ethel U. O, Lagos.
