By Emmanuel Oladipo
Sometime last year, the networking of African Missionary Kids (MKs) culminated in a Conference where they met face to face to share their childhood experiences.
These children carry “emotional pains, silent struggles, unresolved transition traumas, and cultural grief. The fact that they had the conference at all was a demonstration of the grace of God at work in them all.
Now adults, most of those present were holding responsible positions in their respective areas of work; and a few of them were now missionaries in their own right.
Some, sadly, were so traumatised by their childhood experiences that they have rebelled against their parents for sacrificing their childhood at the altar of their own calling. Some have gone so far as to rebel against the God who called their parents but did not provide adequately for the needs of the children.
All of them had one thing in common. They were concerned that the parents failed to understand their childhood pains and fail to hear them even now when they speak out as adults. For this reason, they prevailed on the parents to organise their own conference in order to address the issues upfront.
I got invited as one of the Speakers, on the basis of my own experience as a parent of missionary kids. My son, Tolu, who was one of the organisers, assured me that he had nothing to do with my being invited!
The Conference
The venue was the well-appointed Conference & Retreat Centre of the Roman Catholic “Daughters of Divine Love,” (DRACC), on the outskirts of Abuja. Just over 200 parents attended, and about 10 MKs.
They came from a variety of missionary agencies, including CAPRO, EMS, NEMA, and a few others from Nigeria, and as far afield as Kenya, Ethiopia and Ghana.
I was disappointed that some of the big church missionary agencies such as the Anglicans, RCCG, Baptists, Deeper Life and Winners were not represented, because they too have a lot to share and to learn.
“Not the Sacrifice!” was the theme, based on the story of Isaac who was NOT the sacrifice in Gen 22. Worship was led each morning by one of the MKs, a computer science graduate who has opted to make worship-leading his ministry. It was followed by a very stimulating, interactive Morning Devotion. Plenary Sessions were on the following topics:
• Africans to Africans and to the rest of the world – A generational task of obedience
• Obedience – Not the Sacrifice (Abraham/Isaac lens Gen 22:1-18)
• The children that come along: Recognising the unique Identity of the MK/TCK
• The Call – The African Missionary Parents’ Experience/Challenges and things to heed
• Understanding and raising MKs in an intra-continental cultural diversity
• Helpful practices in parenting MKs/TCKs
• Raising Children in Faith in Hard Places and through frequent movement
Workshops also followed similar themes. Everything was interspersed with animated discussion in groups during which joys and sorrows were freely shared. Personal testimonies were a key feature, and invariably, they demonstrated God’s grace and faithfulness in the most dire of circumstances.
The main highlights for me included the following:
• The resilience and resourcefulness of the parents. One mother developed her own baby formula recipes, based on locally available ingredients when weaning her child. They proved to be healthier than what was available in city supermarkets.
• The helplessness of parents who had to choose between sending their children to the only schools available where they served, which were heavily Islamised, or not to send them to school at all.
• The perplexity of parents who sent two of their children to a boarding school in the city while home-schooling the others on the mission field. Those at home felt unloved because they were not given the opportunity of going to a proper school. Those at school felt unloved for being sent away from home.
• The pain of children who saw themselves and their needs as secondary because the parents always saw their missionary work for God as No. 1 priority.
• Children who cannot understand when parents deprive them even further by sharing what little they have with strangers or provide hospitality as part of their ministry.
• The bewilderment of kids who grew up in bush environments when they were later introduced to normal life and school in the town.
• The joy of MKs placed with Christian families who gave them the same education and life opportunities as their own children.
• The pain of MKs placed with families who maltreated them as defenceless domestic servants.
• An MK who was so attuned to choosing the least expensive option in life that it warped his sense of self-worth. He opted for a three-day overland journey back home rather than fly as was his right when working for a multinational agency.
• An MK from Kenya who spent 16 years in 9 Primary Schools as his parents moved from place to place, sometimes serving in places where no school existed.
He managed to make it all the way through university and then went on to set up his own Mission, ministering to MKs all over the country.
• The zeal of an MK “survivor” now dedicated to seeking out and helping MKs disillusioned by their childhood experiences.
• The trauma of a Church Leader who was forced to witness atrocities being committed on women by Boko Haram zealots. At the risk of being detained as a hostage himself, he had gone to their camp to negotiate for the release of missionary hostages they were holding.
• The courage and passion of former MKs now serving as missionaries in their own right.
• The growing concern to develop counselling help for traumatised MKs to overcome their childhood pains.
The Way Forward
The vision of the Lausanne Committee for world Evangelisation is “The whole church taking the whole gospel to the whole world.” It is heartening to see the church in Africa entering into the field in such numbers and with such zeal.
The Church in Africa has been growing very fast for the past many decades but it has not always had a vision for Africa’s unreached peoples. Rather, most of the growth has consisted in a multiplication of churches within Christianised communities.
We praise the Lord for all church growth. However, St Paul spoke of his passion for places where the gospel had not yet been preached. That is a passion most of our churches do not seem to have.
The majority of our established churches do not see unreached peoples as a priority and devote only a paltry token of their overall budget to it.
For example, the Anglican Church of Nigeria has established the Church of Nigeria Missionary Society, CNMS, following the example of the CMS, who were responsible for planting the Anglican Church in Nigeria.
It is now headquartered at Samuel Ajayi Crowther’s home town of Osogun. Its stated objectives cannot be faulted. (See https://anglican-nig.org/about/mission/#) The one thing missing, after all these years, is action.
Their 176 Dioceses currently have no more than about 50 missionary couples working among unreached peoples, while individual churches often spend millions of naira on musical equipment. ECWA does much better with their Evangelical Missionary Society, (EMS), putting 2,500 missionaries on the field among unreached peoples in 19 countries. (See https://emsofecwa.org/).
Even with them, unfortunately, these missionaries have to survive on the barest minimum; and their inadequate stipend does not always arrive.
Thank God for the relatively few churches and agencies where that passion has grown to reach unreached peoples along the lines of the Lausanne vision.
They are doing so in the context of unabashed scarcity of resources; and they are doing it the African way.
Going forward, two things need to happen.
• Church leaders need to re-orientate their vision and mission regarding the missionary enterprise. At the moment, one can be forgiven for wondering whether the Great Commission Jesus Christ gave to His disciples is to ensure the welfare of Church leaders so that they can keep church members happy within their comfort zones!
• Care for the children of missionaries as a priority must be spelled out as part of the Policy of every missionary sending agency, and as an essential part of the training of all missionary couples.
Still, in spite of these failures and failings, the God of Missions is honouring every commitment and He is multiplying every “five loaves and two fish” offered on the altar of missions.
Unreached peoples are being evangelised and churches are being planted in some of the most unlikely places where Western missionaries do not reach or are simply not welcome.
Sadly, these emerging missions are sometimes having to re-learn essential lessons, and to learn them the hard way; but the fact remains that they are learning, and they are growing.
May their tribe increase!
Is God calling us to do something about it?
Emmanuel Oladipo is a Retired Director, Scripture Union International