Though many marriages are crumbling and a number of pastors are having it rough at the home front, Mrs. Caroline Adebiyi, wife of the Rt. Rev. Peter Adebiyi (rtd) seems to be having a smooth sail in her marriage. And if you think it is luck or chance that has made her marriage thick, you will be missing the point.
She tells you frankly that it is the grace of God that has kept her home. Beyond that however she seems to have a large dose of God’s wisdom which has enabled her to survive in her home for over 40 years. She has not just succeeded in her marriage; she has succeeded in planting good seeds in the hearts of many women in the diocese of Lagos West of the Anglican Communion.
Giving insight into her relationship with her husband, she reveals that in the over 40 years of their marriage, they have not had cause to settle quarrel. Amazed? Could it then mean she has been a ‘yes’ wife throughout the marriage? “Its not that I’m a yes wife in that sense, but when I’m angry or get annoyed, my husband takes the quiet side and when he is annoyed or angry I take the quiet side. One of the things that can make him get annoyed is when I tamper with his books in an attempt to keep the room clean. He doesn’t joke with his books.” She reveals
She however disclosed that her husband seldom gets annoyed noting that she could only recall a day he got so annoyed that he spanked one of their children, but beyond that, Mrs. Adebiyi says, “My husband is very peaceful and jovial. My husband has been a wonderful father to the children.”
While counseling women not to feel threatened about women who come around their husband especially when they trust their husband, she says, “If your marriage is based on Jesus, it will stand. During Jesus’ earthly ministry, there were women around him and he still managed them very well. One of the women even used her hair to wipe the leg of Jesus and yet Jesus did not compromise his stand. I think what is important is to know the kind of husband you have. I don’t have any fear whatsoever concerning my husband and women. He is a disciplined man. I believe women who come around him are helping him to succeed in the ministry. The few women that are around him are helping him to succeed and there is a need to see it that way.”
While agreeing that women have lost their homes to strange women, she insists that women should be positive about their husband. They must understand that Jesus also had women around him when he was on earth and they supported his ministry. “The wife of a pastor must appreciate that her husband will always have women around him because women are more in the church and they have challenges. The only place where these challenges will be solved is the church of God. Women are always the one who are concerned about childbearing and they will always come to pastors. If they know the type of husband they have they should not exercise any fear. They should pray for their husband and trust God to end well.”
She expressed appreciation to all who supported their ministry in the cause of working in God’s vineyard noting that the last 20 years that her husband served as the Bishop of Both Owo and Lagos West have been eventful and fruitful.”
She however observed that one of the greatest challenges facing women especially the wives of pastors is the issue of child bearing “There are some clergy wives that have been married for years without the fruit of the womb. It is a source of concern for us and we have had to hold prayer sessions and intercede on their behalf. To the glory of God many have been blessed after the prayers. As a matter of fact one of them that have been waiting on the Lord for the past twenty years will put to bed soon by God’s grace. Some who waited so long have had triplets and twins after prayers. We give all the glory to God.”
Indeed Mrs Adebiyi has cause to cheer. Though she has children who are professionals in various fields of human endeavours, many of them have also taken to priesthood. Did she ever impress on them to become priests? “No. We did not at any time tell any one of them to come into priesthood. I think it is God’s making. Right from when they were young we used to have Bible study together. We used to wake up between 5 and 6 am to pray and we give them instructions on what to do and how to comport themselves. We encourage them to live by godly principles. We also normally come together again in the evening to pray and do Bible studies. That is why it is easier for them to take to priesthood.”