Bearing the shepherd’s staff: Combating loneliness in pastoral leadership

By Oyewole Sarumi PhD

 

“God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing, but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” – Psalms 68:6

“To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: ² Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; ³ not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. ⁴ And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” – 1 Peter 5:1-4

 

In the light of 1 Peter 5:1-4, the questions to ask here are numerous. In shepherding the flock, “who shepherds the Shepherd? How do we in the watchman’s burden address loneliness in Church Leadership? (Ezekiel 33:7).

Furthermore, in sharing the yoke, how do we cultivate and build support systems for lonely pastoral leaders? (Acts 18:9-10). Then, for those bearing the burden alone with the weight of pastoral loneliness, what are the needs for ecclesial support? (John 10:11-16).

In all these posers, isolation of the anointed is obvious, so combating the loneliness in ministerial leadership is the calling of all true believers in Christ who are being shepherded in today’s difficult and challenging times! (1 Samuel 12:1-5).

Leaders need encouragement because it can be lonely at the top. I just finished reading a similar piece on this topic by Tom Crenshaw who serves as Connections Pastor of the New Monmouth Baptist Church (non-denominational) where he previously served as a three-year interim.

He has been married to Jean for almost 50 years, and they have four children, all of whom are teachers. So, I am encouraged to espouse this line of thought in my pastoral leadership journey.

I have been in ministry for forty years and still counting, and our discussions today must involve how we can encourage and build up our church leaders.

Why? Many pastors are suffering even as they lead their congregation with smiles. The assumption is that those at the top do not need encouragement, but pastors and others in leadership positions of authority need and appreciate it every bit as much as anyone else.

The fact is that leaders are constantly in the crosshairs of criticism, and by their position, they can be easy targets for angry and frustrated people.

Leaders have been found to cherish words of affirmation by people while dealing with loads of critical views from the other side. That is the burden of leadership.

1. THE ENDURING WEIGHT OF LEADERSHIP: LONELINESS IN BIBLICAL AND CONTEMPORARY FIGURES

The spectrum of leaders who have experienced loneliness, both in the Bible and in contemporary life, is vast and significant. This phenomenon highlights the isolating nature of leadership and the immense burden carried by those at the helm.

The burdens of leadership are manifold, and perhaps none is more pervasive or insidious than loneliness. While the image of a leader often evokes power and authority, the reality can be one of isolation and a profound sense of being misunderstood. This experience of isolation is not a recent phenomenon; both biblical figures and contemporary leaders have grappled with the profound sense of being alone at the helm.

Let us explore the spectrum of loneliness experienced by leaders, drawing parallels between biblical figures and prominent figures from contemporary history.

1. BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF LEADERS WHO EXPERIENCED LONELINESS:

• Moses: Leading the Israelites through the harsh desert wilderness for forty years, Moses bore a heavy responsibility. Despite God’s direct communication, the immense burden of leadership and the Israelites’ constant discontent contributed to feelings of isolation (Numbers 11:10-15).
• Elijah: After defeating the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, Elijah felt ostracized and threatened by Queen Jezebel. His plea to God, “I have remained the only one, and they are trying to kill me” (1 Kings 19:14), highlights the loneliness he experienced despite his significant victory.
• David: As King of Israel, David despite his successes and closeness to God, experienced intense periods of loneliness and despair, including betrayal by close friends and advisors. In the Psalms, David frequently cried out to God from a place of isolation and abandonment and often expressed feelings of isolation and longing for God’s presence (Psalm 25:16, Psalm 69:29). His struggles with sin, betrayal, and the pressures of kingship often left him feeling profoundly alone.
• Paul: The Apostle Paul’s missionary journeys were marked by hardship and persecution. He provides a poignant example of loneliness in biblical times. In his second letter to Timothy, Paul wrote, “Everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me” (2 Timothy 1:15). Despite his pivotal role in spreading Christianity, Paul often faced abandonment and isolation, particularly during his imprisonment. His writings reflect a deep sense of solitude and longing for companionship.
• Jesus Christ: The ultimate example of loneliness in leadership is Jesus Christ. He provided a striking example of loneliness in biblical leadership as found in the anguished cry of Jesus Christ on the cross. As he bore the weight of the world’s sins, Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). This heart-wrenching statement reveals the depth of isolation and abandonment that Jesus experienced, even as he fulfilled his ultimate mission of salvation. Throughout His ministry, Jesus often withdrew to solitary places to pray, reflecting the burden of His mission and the loneliness that accompanied it. The Son of God, in his humanity, felt the pain of separation from the Father, a testament to the profound loneliness that can accompany leadership.

2. CONTEMPORARY EXAMPLES: ECHOES OF LONELINESS IN MODERN TIMES

The spectrum of lonely leaders extends beyond biblical times into the modern era. We will examine a couple of leaders in the past and contemporary times to learn how they coped with loneliness.

• Abraham Lincoln: One notable example is President Abraham Lincoln, widely regarded as one of the greatest leaders in American history. As President of the United States during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln shouldered immense responsibility for the nation’s fate. Despite his immense impact on the nation and his unwavering commitment to preserving the Union, Lincoln grappled with deep personal struggles and loneliness throughout his life. His melancholy temperament and the weight of the Civil War took a significant toll on his mental and emotional well-being, highlighting the reality that even the most influential leaders can experience profound isolation. Despite his public role, Lincoln often faced profound isolation, grappling with the weight of national division and personal tragedies. His letters and speeches reflect a deep sense of solitude and melancholy, underscoring the heavy toll of leadership. Also, Biographers note his introspective nature and his tendency to keep his inner struggles private, suggesting a degree of loneliness despite his role in leading the country through a critical period.
• Winston Churchill: Another notable figure is Winston Churchill, the British Prime Minister during World War II. Despite his public persona of confidence and resilience, Churchill struggled with periods of deep loneliness and depression, which he referred to as his “black dog.” His leadership during a time of unprecedented crisis often left him feeling isolated, bearing the burden of his nation’s future alone.
• Nelson Mandela: Imprisoned for 27 years for his fight against apartheid, Nelson Mandela endured immense physical and emotional isolation. His writings reveal a man of deep faith who found solace in his principles and his vision for a better future.
• Mother Teresa: Mother Teresa, known for her selfless service to the poorest of the poor, also experienced profound loneliness as she experienced periods of spiritual darkness and doubt. In her private letters, she expressed feelings of spiritual dryness and isolation, even as she became a symbol of compassion and charity. Her “dark night of the soul” suggests that even those who dedicate themselves to alleviating the suffering of others can experience profound loneliness. Her leadership in her mission often placed her in situations where she felt profoundly alone in her spiritual journey.
• Leaders in the Public Eye: Many contemporary leaders grapple with the paradox of being surrounded by people yet feeling profoundly alone. The pressures of office, the burden of making difficult decisions, and the constant scrutiny can all contribute to a sense of isolation.

3. THEOLOGICAL CONSIDERATIONS: REFLECTIONS ON LONELINESS IN LEADERSHIP

A.W. Tozer’s observation that “Most of the world’s great souls have been lonely” finds support in both the Bible and contemporary history thus highlighting the intrinsic link between greatness and solitude. The Jewish proverb, “Loneliness eats into the soul,” underscores the potential dangers of isolation for leaders. The experiences of these leaders, both contemporary and biblical, illustrate that loneliness is an inherent part of the leadership journey.

However, the biblical accounts also offer glimpses of hope. Moses found solace in his relationship with God, Elijah encountered God’s presence in the wilderness solitude, and David found comfort in pouring out his heart to God through Psalms. Leaders, both past and present, can draw strength from these examples and seek support from communities of faith or trusted confidantes to navigate the inevitable challenges of leadership. When we recognize and address this loneliness, then the well-being and effectiveness of those who lead can be assured.

We gain a deeper understanding of the complex emotions associated with leadership by examining the experiences of leaders throughout history. While loneliness may be a recurring theme, it need not be an insurmountable obstacle.

The examples of lonely leaders in the Bible and contemporary times serve as a sobering reminder that even the most influential and impactful individuals can face the challenges of loneliness. From the Apostle Paul’s abandonment to Jesus’ anguished cry on the cross, and Abraham Lincoln’s struggles to the insights of A.W. Tozer and ancient Jewish wisdom, the spectrum of lonely leaders is vast and profound. As we reflect on these examples, we are called to empathize with and support those in positions of leadership, recognizing that their journey, while noble and impactful, can often be a lonely one.

• STRATEGIES FOR ADVANCING CONNECTION TO ENCOURAGE OUR LEADERS SUFFERING FROM LONELINESS

The weight of leadership, even within the sacred walls of the church, can be a burden that encourages loneliness. Pastors, burdened by the needs of their congregation, can often feel isolated and unseen. However, by drawing inspiration from scripture and practical solutions, we can create a supportive environment that combats this loneliness and empowers our leaders.

1. BIBLICAL FOUNDATIONS FOR SUPPORT:

• Acts 18:9-10: In Corinth, the Lord encourages a discouraged Paul with a vision of his continued ministry and a promise of a fruitful harvest. Similarly, we can offer words of affirmation and remind our leaders of the positive impact they have.
• Exodus 17:8-13: When Moses faltered under the weight of leading the Israelites, Aaron and Hur stood beside him, offering unwavering support. This exemplifies the importance of standing alongside our leaders in times of struggle.
• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” Collaboration and shared burdens lighten the load and foster connection.

Building a community of support for church leaders through biblical principles is very important today. So, shepherding the shepherds connotes the need for spiritual care and accountability in church leadership based on biblical teachings. My focus is to shift the need for leaders themselves to receive spiritual care to the front burner in our churches today.

Some may argue that references to Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” as a metaphor for trials emphasize using faith to overcome loneliness is not only tenable but examining loneliness as a test of faith for church leaders and drawing strength from biblical examples can be a source of encouragement.

We must view our pastors as bearers of the burden of the firstborn who carry a heavy responsibility of loneliness in church leadership and the importance of spiritual companionship in this voyage cannot be overemphasised. Therefore, every church member has to do something to encourage those who are leading us.

In the ministry, church leaders often find themselves facing loneliness, depression, and even despair. As a community of faith, it is our responsibility to support and uplift those who lead us.

2. STRATEGIES TO HELP LEADERS

Let us review some strategies to help alleviate the burden of loneliness and encourage our leaders:

1. Pray for Them Regularly

   • Intercessory Prayer: Commit to praying specifically for the emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of our leaders. Organize prayer groups dedicated to interceding on their behalf.
   • Public Prayer: Include prayers for church leaders in regular worship services, acknowledging their struggles and asking for divine guidance and strength.
   • The Bible reminds us in Philippians 4:6 to “pray in everything.” Holding our leaders in fervent prayer is paramount. Pray for their spiritual strength, wisdom in decision-making, and for God’s presence to sustain them (Exodus 33:14).

2. Write Letters of Appreciation and Commendation

   • Personal Notes: Send handwritten letters or emails expressing gratitude for their service and acknowledging specific ways they have impacted your life and the church community.
   • Congregational Cards: Organize a collective effort where members of the congregation contribute to a large card or book of appreciation.
   • A handwritten note expressing appreciation for a specific sermon, pastoral guidance, or simply their dedication can have a profound impact. Following Paul’s instruction in 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13, we can “esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake.”

3. Visit Them in Their Homes for Fellowship

   • Regular Visits: Schedule regular visits to their homes, not for church business, but for genuine fellowship and companionship.
   • Small Gatherings: Organize small, informal gatherings with a few church members to foster a sense of community and support.
   • Proverbs 18:24 encourages us to “find a friend who is loyal, such a friend is beyond price.” Initiate personal interactions beyond official church functions. Invite your pastor and their family for a meal, organize a small group outing specifically for leadership, or simply offer a listening ear over a meal or love feasting.

4. Give Them Gifts as You Are Blessed to Do

   • Thoughtful Gifts: Provide personalized gifts that reflect their interests and needs, showing that you care about their well-being.
   • Seasonal Gifts: Remember them during holidays and special occasions with appropriate tokens of appreciation.

5. Speak Well About Them to Others

   • Positive Testimonies: Share positive stories and testimonials about their impact in your life and the community, both within the church and in the broader community.
   • Public Acknowledgment: Take opportunities during church meetings or events to publicly acknowledge and celebrate their contributions.
   • Positive Reinforcement: Proverbs 15:23 tells us “A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples in a silver setting.” Publicly commend your leader for their accomplishments or positive initiatives. Upholding their reputation through positive reinforcement fosters a supportive environment.

6. Criticize Constructively and Proffer Solutions

   • Constructive Feedback: Offer constructive criticism with kindness and empathy, focusing on specific issues and providing practical solutions.
   • Supportive Conversations: Engage in open, honest conversations that aim to help them grow and improve while assuring them of your support.

7. Encourage Others in the Church to Support Their Ministry, Work, and Life

   • Mobilize Support: Encourage other members of the congregation to get involved in supporting the leaders through various means, such as volunteering, offering skills, or simply being present.
   • Mentorship Programs: Establish mentorship programmes where experienced church members can provide guidance and support to the leaders.

8. Organize Regular Breaks and Sabbaticals

   • Planned Sabbaticals: Encourage the church leadership to take regular breaks and sabbaticals to rest and rejuvenate. Ensure they have the resources and support to do so without worry.
   • Guest Speakers: Arrange for guest speakers or leaders to take over occasionally, allowing the primary leaders time off.

9. Create Safe Spaces for Sharing and Support

   • Confidential Groups: Form small, confidential support groups where leaders can share their struggles and receive encouragement without fear of judgment.
   • Counselling Services: Provide access to professional counselling and spiritual direction to help them navigate personal and professional challenges.

10. Acknowledge Their Humanity

• Realistic Expectations: Recognize and communicate that church leaders are human and can experience struggles and failures just like anyone else. Encourage a culture of grace and understanding.
• Public Affirmation: Regularly affirm their humanity in public forums, emphasizing that they are valued and loved beyond their roles.

11. Celebrate Their Achievements and Milestones

• Anniversary Celebrations: Celebrate significant milestones such as anniversaries of their service, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and other personal achievements.
• Recognition Events: Host events specifically dedicated to recognizing and honouring their contributions to the church.

 12. Building a Culture of Support within the Church:

 

• Leadership Development Programs: Invest in workshops or conferences specifically focused on pastoral well-being and overcoming loneliness. This demonstrates a proactive approach to supporting your leaders’ mental and emotional health.
• Mentorship Opportunities: Connect seasoned pastors or ministry leaders with your current leadership for guidance and mentorship. This can provide invaluable support and a safe space to share challenges (Titus 2:3-5).
• Healthy Boundaries: Encourage your leader to establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. Respect their time off and avoid creating unrealistic expectations of constant availability.
• Support Groups: Consider establishing a confidential support group specifically for church leaders within your denomination or local area. This encourages a sense of community and allows leaders to share their struggles with those who understand the unique pressures of pastoral ministry (Galatians 6:2).
• Empowering the Congregation: Educate your congregation on the importance of supporting their leaders. Encourage them to practice the strategies mentioned above, fostering a culture of care and appreciation.

Let us note that there are myriad ways to express our encouragement to those in leadership positions. These strategies if well implemented can build a strong support system for our church leaders. It is obvious from this piece that the burden of leadership is not meant to be carried alone. Let us become the encouragement they need, just as they shepherd and guide us on our spiritual journeys.

If we are intentional and proactive in our efforts, we can create a supportive and nurturing environment for our church leaders. As we seek to uplift and sustain them, the Spirit of God will guide us in showing love, appreciation, and support in meaningful and impactful ways.

CONCLUSION

Taking the gauntlet from our text – God sets the lonely in the families – can be recrafted to read – God set the pastors in the family of believers – so that they can be succoured from any sort of loneliness that the call to shepherding of the flock may bring their way. So, it is the responsibility of the called to assist the shepherd from not feeling the heat of loneliness because of being on the front burner of labouring for the souls of men on this side of eternity.

What we have done in this piece is a biblical exploration of loneliness in church leadership, the path toward connection, and how churches can combat the loneliness epidemic among their leaders.

Pastor Tom in his piece narrated a story about what happened at a pastor’s funeral night of remembrance. He said, “After many glowing tributes were given by those in the congregation, one pastor stood up and said, “If only your pastor could have heard those encouraging words today, for if he had, he might still be alive, for your pastor died of a broken heart.” And then the pastor concluded by saying, “More pastors died from broken hearts than swelled heads.”

That’s the situation of many church leaders today, and the church as a body must rise and be in the vanguard of encouraging their leaders so they can do this work of ministry with little or minimal distractions from the spirit of loneliness that has eaten deep into the soul of many leaders who have gone beyond.

This piece is to challenge the congregation of the saints to assist the pastors who are still alive from going into despair and disorientation as they serve the Body of Christ, thus helping them to pursue the work of ministry with little stress and agony from lonely life at the top. If we can do this, then this little effort is worth the time!

Blessings and Grace!